A bit of a late October Agenda this month. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but these past couple of weeks I really seemed to have lost my blogging mojo for a bit. I think it's probably something we all go through at some point or other, and I think in my case it was down to two things. One is that I had been so excited about the prospect of moving home next year - and I mean ridiculously so, as I have wanted it for so long - that after the initial burst of happiness had passed, I crashed back down to earth with a bump, as I realised that it's still almost a year until it actually happens. So that means eleven more months of 'this'. The second thing is that my anxiety symptoms have been really quite bad for the past couple of weeks, and when that's bothering me I really can't seem to sit down and get anything typed as it does get me down, and makes me feel really restless too.
I haven't really spoken about anxiety on here before, and I don't want to dedicate a whole post to it or anything like that, because I don't think it deserves the attention. The thing about anxiety is that the more you focus on it, the stronger its hold on you. But a quick explanation for you: I don't suffer from anxiety in the sense that I am constantly freaking out about everything, but I suppose the culmination of the fact that I have always been a worrier, coupled with the fact that I've spent so long living far from the ones I love, has led to this. Anxiety is something that affects me physically, so that means that on a day to day basis, I get this weird jittery feeling, pounding heart and shortness of breath, even when I am feeling fine and not at all anxious about anything! It's really frustrating, and when it first started I had a really hard time believing that that's all it was - I mean, who has anxiety without actually feeling anxious!?
So anyway, that's that. Let's see how I did with the tasks I set myself last month, before moving on to this month's Agenda:
1. Save as much money as possible.
I'm pleased to report that I've been pretty well behaved on this one, and have stashed away a fair few pennies. I say this, but I suppose I'm slyly ignoring the fact that I might have had one or two Ebay mishaps - in other words, yes, I have spent money I shouldn't have. It's just so easily done when it's online, isn't it - it seems like it's not real money until you get the bill at the end of the month....not looking forward to that one!
2. Get back to healthy eating and exercising several times a week
So last month, I told you that, being someone who usually does eat healthily bar the odd slice of cake, I had fallen off the wagon somewhat and could not seem to stop eating sweet things. The evenings are my problem, as when I'm home alone I either boredom eat or boredom bake! Anyway, it took me until the latter half of the month but I do seem to have managed to rein it in a bit. I'm still baking at the weekends and having treats here and there, but in a much more controlled fashion. As for the exercise, I tend to go through phases of going for it and feeling good about it, and phases of not being remotely bothered about it (mostly the latter). However, after reading this week that exercise is the single most important thing you can do to help anxiety symptoms, I have got myself back into gear - I get annoyed when people complain about things and yet do nothing to help themselves, so it's got to be done. I will let you know if I see any difference.
3. Get Skyping.
The idea here was to make sure Skype plans actually came to fruition. My friends and I are constantly making and breaking Skype dates and one way or another, our chats just never seem to happen. And because we are always saying that we must Skype, I never get messages telling me what's been going on in their lives, as it is always assumed that we will talk about that 'when we Skype'. Which never happens. Sadly, I am no further along on this one, although not for want of trying.
Now, on to this month's Agenda:
1. Keep saving the pennies!
Self explanatory really, and must be done.
2. Stop being a hypochondriac.
I don't know if I actually am a hypochondriac, but I still get scared that my anxiety symptoms are something else, which in turn only serves to make me more anxious. Not fun.
3. Keep up the daily exercise.
Again, it's got to be done.
4. Blog brainstorming.
There is so much more I want to do with my blog, yet something always stops me. Outfit posts don't happen because I don't have someone patient enough to photograph me the amount of times necessary for me to get a photo I'm satisfied with. Or a tripod. Makeup (face) posts don't happen because I can never seem to get an acceptable picture for those either, despite the fact I can take them myself. Baking posts don't happen because I always bake in the evening and then the lighting for photos is awful. All of this is really starting to annoy me, as I feel that it's really limiting me and my blog, so my aimfor this month is to sit down and have a think about what I can do to make these things happen, as well as coming up with some new ideas for content. Usually, I just write about what comes to me, and I like to do it that way as I feel more inspired, but at the same time it's good to plan some bits and pieces for those days when you just don't feel like it.
Phew, that was a hefty post. If you made it this far then well done!
What'son your agenda for October?